Strange Gods

– You know—she used to burn things for me. I don’t mean pigeons of rams—thought that was in place. I’m talking proper arson.

— She once sacrificed a live tree to me! Can you imagine how hard it is to burn a tree in full bloom? She tried it more than once. But when she managed to—it was beautiful. I could almost hear the god of that tree scream—all these years since.

— Well—she won’t burn anything for you anymore it seems. How many worshipers do you have left?

— Around 5. Don’t know the exact number. But I get extra following after major fires. Though the gap between arsonists and these that know about me is widening with every passing day.

— Well, at least you have new worshipers. Imagine how hard it is to find disciples when you’re a god of fucking sesame? You two are generic gods while I’m only worshipped and praised when the harvest is good.

— Is it ever good though?

— Use to be. I was a generous god—you have to be these days. only J can allow himself to smite his followers left and right. I had to double the harvest this last time my bearer was enslaved by Hittites and worked their field. But now he’s apparently a nomad thanks to Jacob and J.

— Why are they even going to Egypt? They’ll be captured and exploited by Egyptians. They’ve been going there for a long time too. Who knows how long they have left?

— No idea. J knows, probably.

— Oh, do you imagine—calling himself The Omniscient God? As if there’re no more gods like us.

— Apparently it works. Do you know how many people I lost to him? Three scores! Most of my disciples! The most devoted ones too. Sellers of sesame, cooks, housewives.

— All of his promises of reproduction and power. By the way R, you’re awfully silent today. Used to be so cheerful and outgoing in the old times. Remember when you tried to hit on me?

— Yeah, just reminiscing. This bastard and I—we were born in the same tribe. I appeared first. His birth was a mistake, actually. Some shaman (oh, I actually remember who!) mispronounced my name and here you go—a new god! And then his promises and ejaculations—he grew while I was forgotten. They no longer screamed my name in climax. He even stole the totem with the wooden calf, in addition to all my followers!

— To be fair, he is quite eloquent. I used to just do my work silently like a sesame seed does. Seems like all our strategies were wrong.

— Yeah, should’ve focused on broadening scope.

— And monotheism.

— And being jealous, right.

— Smiting you’re followers when they misbehave or you just don’t like them. Well, once where are some expendable ones. He took all of them and now he kills them at random—god damn it.

— Which god?

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